The Real X-Files 2

Watching the Olympic Opening Ceremonies from Beijing, a realization came upon me.

Alien babies, musings on the origins of man, a blending of faux-religion and science...

The 2004 Opening Ceremonies in Athens were a better X-Files movie than The X-Files: I Want to Believe.

NFL Season Predictions

Despite the fact that I'll probably be wrong, and that I doubt any one really cares how I think the NFL standings will shake out this year, these predictions are pretty easy posts to write. Anything where sentences are optional can't be too difficult, after all.

NFC East
1. Dallas Cowboys - Wade Phillips may neither be as fat nor as good a coach as Parcells, but they have great talent on both sides of the ball.

2. Philadelphia Eagles (Wild Card) - Old news. Good despite injury prone players and no big name receivers.

3. Washington Redskins - They can definitely make it to 9-7 and challenge the Eagles. The defense looks like it will be back, so maybe...

4. New York Giants - With Tiki gone, has the annoying streak of UVA girls picking the Giants as their "favorite" team finally ended?

NFC South
1. New Orleans Saints - The Colts of the NFC will make me glad for NFL Replay.

2. Carolina Panthers (Wild Card) - Heir to the Seahawks' throne of being impossible to predict.

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Free from the poor playcalling of my fantasy team's offensive coordinator, Cadillac scores more than one touchdown this season!

4. Atlanta Falcons - Coaches who wish they still had Matt Schaub: Bobby Petrino and Al Groh.

NFC North
1. Chicago Bears - Without Thomas Jones and a consistent QB, they look likely to fall victim to the Superbowl loser's letdown. But who else can you confidently pick here?

2. Detroit Lions - The offense could break out in a division that has little.

3. Green Bay Packers - I'm still upset about that stupid illegal motion call at FedEx in 2005.

4. Minnesota Vikings - Long ago, a crazed blogger picked this team to go to the Superbowl. He was later eaten by wolves.

NFC West
1. San Francisco 49ers - They've upgraded more than anyone in this anyone's game division, and they'll get the added bonus of playing a third-place team's schedule.

2. St. Louis Rams - Destined for some shootout classics against the offenses of their fellow NFC Westerners.

3. Seattle Seahawks - I'm probably insane for putting them here, but if there's a division where last year's champ doesn't make the playoffs, it's this one.

4. Arizona Cardinals - A trendy pick, but I think it'll be a while before wearing a Cardinals jersey becomes trendy as well.

AFC East
1. New England Patriots - They had a Redskins-like offseason, but this team often wins champions in-season as well.

2. New York Jets - Is it me, or do they seem like pretty much the most average team in the league?

3. Miami Dolphins - Nice to meet you Cam Cameron, I'm Kize Kiser.

4. Buffalo Bills - Just as their offense starts to come around, their defense weakens.

AFC North
1. Baltimore Ravens - Is the reason they struggle on offense at times that the defense limits their time of possession in practice?

2. Cincinnati Bengals (Wild Card) - I started liking Carson Palmer a lot less once I heard Mike and Mike call him today's Aikman.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers - Is Roethisberger the guy you want at the helm of a pass-heavy offense? Maybe.

4. Cleveland Browns - If their offense doesn't get better this year, they've got coaching problems.

AFC South
1. Indianapolis Colts - How did Tony Dungy get such a great fantasy team? Addai, Harrison, and Peyton???

2. Houston Texans - Every UVA girl's new favorite team.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars - They cut their incumbent starting quarterback the week before the season starts. Cold blooded!

4. Tennessee Titans - Good thing Vince can run the ball, because I'm not sure he has anyone to throw to. Or hand off to, now that I think about it.

AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers - So good, even a Norv could coach 'em.

2. Denver Broncos (Wild Card) - We'll see if completely undermining Jake Plummer's confidence by drafting Jay Cutler was worth it.

3. Kansas City Chiefs - I wanted the Redskins to go after Damon Huard last year, until I found out he was 35.

4. Oakland Raiders - They really aren't that far away from being good. (In case you can't tell, I wasn't being sarcastic.)

Super Bowl: They call it The Curse of the Curse of the Bambino. Patriots fans haven't seen their team win the Super Bowl since the year the Red Sox last won the World Series. This year, it'll be a battle of the "New"s, but when England faces Orleans the result will be anything but.

ACC Football Season Predictions

Atlantic Division

1. Boston College - 10-2 (6-2)
They've got what most teams in the conference don't--a quarterback!

2. Clemson - 9-3 (5-3)
In second despite a win over BC at home, but thanks to a win over FSU on Labor Day.

3. Florida State - 7-5 (5-3)
The Seminoles can restructure their coaching staff all they want, it still won't get them a reliable QB on the field.

4. Wake Forest - 7-5 (4-4)
Last year's champs were largely senior-driven.

5. NC State - 6-6 (3-5)
The first rule of college sports is that you can't be good in both basketball and football. And Sidney Lowe's team is on the rise.

6. Maryland - 3-9 (1-7)
They got sooooooooo lucky last year.

Coastal Division

1. Virginia Tech - 9-3 (6-2)
They could win the national championship if the BCS decides to include misplaced sentimentality in its formula this year.

2. Miami - 8-4 (6-2)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that they'll have a fast defense.

3. Virginia - 8-4 (4-4)
Ok, fine. To make up for this horrible out-of-conference schedule, we'll play our first game in 2008 against USC. Chances are it won't be in January, though.

4. Georgia Tech - 7-5 (4-4)
By losing Reggie Ball, they actually get better at quarterback. However, they get worse at having guys for him to throw to.

5. North Carolina - 4-8 (2-6)
They're going to start the climb to the top, but they're really far down the hill.

6. Duke - 2-10 (1-7)
Last year's win total multiplied by infinity!

ACC Championship Game
Boston College over Virginia Tech

UVA Football Season Predictions

How to sum up the outlook for UVA's season? 10 returning starters from last year's great defense (and #11 Vic Hall is probably the fastest guy on the team) and a consistent starter at QB (As strange as it sounds, can you name 3 ACC quarterbacks better than him?) will translate to the following:

9/1 at Wyoming - W
Wyoming had the No. 8 ranked defense in the country last year. You think it had something to do with the fact that they got to face Christian Olsen?

9/8 Duke - W
Time to get revenge for basketb---oh, wait. Nevermind.

9/18 at North Carolina - W
In two years, Butch Davis might have this team looking like Miami, but for now they'll more closely resemble the Browns.

9/23 Georgia Tech - W
The last time the Jackets won in C-ville, Michael Keaton was Batman.

9/29 Pittsburgh - W
This year's Pitt is worse than the one that gave us a beatdown last year, and that one wasn't even really that good.

10/6 at Middle Tennessee State - W
The bitter rivalry continues! Cavaliers versus...um...Middle Tennesseeans?

10/13 Connecticut - W
Holy moley, the Wahoos are 7-0! But have they played anybody? (No.)

10/20 at Maryland - L
The first loss hits hard in an "upset" by a struggling Maryland team. They always bring their A-game against us at home.

10/27 at NC State - L
Despite the Cavs' clear superority and experience, it's another ACC road loss for Al Groh. Tom O'Brien's re-energizing of the Wolfpack program will have kicked in by now.

11/3 Wake Forest - W
Groh vs. Grobe in a tight defensive struggle in which the UVA alum coaching at home will prevail.

11/10 at Miami - L
It's the final game in the Orange Bowl, and the Canes' pathetic fan base will be in full force to create their usual quiet, non-hostile environment once more for old times sake. But the U won't forget what The U...niversity did to them last year.

11/17 Bye
11 straight games without a week off? Who came up with this idea? Posters on The Sabre get an extra week to talk about nothing but the Tech game.

11/24 Virginia Tech - L
I don't want to talk about it.

Final record: 8-4 (4-4 ACC)

Keep on Rockin' in the End Zone

100 years ago, the idea of having a marching band at a college football game was innovative. Today, it stands as a time-honored tradition, meaning that a few schools do it well and the rest mindlessly copy them with their own watered-down versions. At UVA, the marching band adds nothing of significance other than helping to present the lamest pre-game ceremony in all of sport--Flags of the ACC.

It's about time that collegiate athletics returned to the cutting edge and gave us something original in the music department. Fans in the 1920's who gathered 'round the phonograph to listen to big band music were probably thrilled to see the same thing at their local football competition, but today's tastes demand something of a different flavor. That's why The Kize is dying to see a major college sports program adopt the use of a live rock band.

Think about the possibilities. A squealing guitar riff blaring out over the crowd after a crucial third down conversion. Tonight at halftime: the music of Pearl Jam. Led Zepplin's Immigrant Song pumping everyone up to get loud on defense. The home fans mockingly singing along the chorus "Soy un perdedor" as their bitter rivals come out of the locker room. Bring in a horn section for some classic rock, or plug in the synthesizer for the School Fight Song (Moby remix).

And to top it all off? The lead singer in a Jimi Hendrix outfit, setting fire to the flags of the ACC.

While I was there, just for a few minutes, I actually messed with Texas.

His marital plans dashed, The Kize decided to use his planned week of vacation to visit his old college buddy Dave Theisz. Dave is a Naval officer stationed in Corpus Christi, Texas, which is about a two-hour drive from San Antonio, where Pace Picante Sauce is made by folks who know what picante should taste like. WTM Kize has emerged from its hibernation to share with you the following observations and anecdotes from that trip:

• The George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston, the site of one of my many transfers during the journey from C-ville to Corpus, is easily the most confusing airport I've ever been to. Democrats, feel free to insert an Iraq joke here. Like many major airports, IAH has several terminals that you must ride a shuttle to get back and forth between. Unlike other airports, you've got to leave the secure area to get to this shuttle, meaning that you've got to go back through a security checkpoint to get to your plane.
  
  Added to that hassle was the fact that the airport couldn't have been less clear as to which gate my flight to Corpus Christi was leaving from. It seemed to randomly sometimes appear on the large "Departures" video screens and sometimes not. And when it did show up, sometimes the actual gate number wasn't included. When I finally got to the correct gate (as directed by Continental Airlines staff), the destination of another flight was posted there instead of mine.
  
  
  
• Dave was quick to tell me about Texans' exaggerated sense of pride about their home state. Everything's bigger in Texas, you know. I got to witness this firsthand, during my conversation about football with a cab driver. He was insistent that Houston's Reliant Stadium was the biggest in the NFL (it's around 20,000 seats smaller than FedEx Field, the real biggest). He also informed me that a Superbowl between the Cowboys and the Texans would be the biggest ever, because Dallas and Houston have a bigger rivalry than New York and L.A., since each one wants to prove that it's the "biggest city" in the "biggest state." So, you can imagine how fierce the Juneau-Sitka, Alaska rivalry must be.
  
  
  
• As soon as I realized that I was going to be just two hours from San Antonio while Game 2 of the NBA Finals was being played, I checked eBay to see how much tickets would be. I found some that were pretty affordable, so Dave and I made plans to drive up for the game. Sadly, the Navy called Dave away on his ship at the last minute, meaning that he'd have to miss the game and that I'd have to find a way to San Antonio.
  
  So, I called up Enterprise Rent-A-Car, and soon enough I was heading up a Texas highway by myself in an SUV with an extra NBA Finals ticket. As I figured it, I had three options to take with the ticket. A) I could see what I could sell it for; B) I could try to trade my two tickets for one in a better seat; or C) I could find a cute girl looking for a ticket in the parking lot and take her to the game. Despite the many encouragements from friends and family I talked to on the phone to take Option C, I ended up trading my two tickets to a guy for some money and a slightly better seat.
  
  
  
• It's a pretty strange feeling to be at a big game like the NBA Finals and not have a team to root for. First of all, it allows you to objectively see how weird being a sports fan can make a person look. I spent almost the entire first quarter thinking that the guy sitting next to me was an obnoxious jerk, until I realized that he was acting exactly like I do at a UVA game. Secondly, not rooting for the home team really makes you feel like you're a fan of the visiting team, even if you're not. When I got up to leave, I told the guy next to me "good game." As if his team had just beaten mine. I have no idea why I said that!
  
  
  
• Now that I've been to the NBA Finals, I realize how well UVA puts on a game at the John Paul Jones Arena. It really is an NBA level experience. Our starting lineups for the regular season (with the pyrotechnics and flames displayed on the ribbon board) are actually cooler than what the Spurs did for their Finals game (basically, they just turned out the lights and shined a spotlight on the team). And the halftime show was actually an act that UVA had at a game earlier this year. The one, the only Red Panda Acrobat.
  
  
  
• If you've ever wondered why the characters in movies and TV shows seem so confused when they go into a hall of mirrors, it's because it's really hard to find your way around in one.
  
  
  
• I experienced my first bit of airline delay when my plane back to Charlottesville had to remain in a holding pattern for an hour while a thunderstorm near the airport ran its course. The worst part of the whole ordeal was the lady one row back from me, whose flight earlier in the day had been cancelled and who was now complaining non-stop. When someone asked her if she lived in Charlottesville, she snapped back, "No! I don't think I could stand the hassle of getting here!" Good point, lady. It is a real pain to wake up every morning in Charlottesville and then fly into Charlottesville. I don't know why I do it!
  

And that pretty much sums up Texas. Thanks to Dave for having me out there!

The Real Comeback Player of the Year? It's Brunell.

Now that the regular season has ended, it's time for the NFL to hand out its yearly awards. So far, I can't say I disagree with the bulk of the winners. Shaun Alexander earned the MVP this year by leading the league in rushing and setting the all-time record for TDs in a season. You really can't argue with that. The same is the case for Offensive Rookie of the Year Cadillac Williams, who's already being considered as one of the elite backs in the league. If you do that as a rookie, you're pretty good. The likely winner for Coach of the Year, the Colts' Tony Dungy, also seems like a no-brainer, as he turned an offensive powerhouse on the cusp of greatness into a nearly unbeatable complete team.

I do, however, take issue with this year's recipients of the vaguely-defined Comeback Player of the Year Award, which ended up as a tie between Panthers WR Steve Smith and Patriots LB Tedy Bruschi. Both of these players won the award on the merits of "coming back" to play well after months of being declared medically ineligible. The problem is, both of these guys were star players before they got hurt, and the fact that they continued to be good players after they got healthy doesn't seem all that shocking to me. (Okay, so the fact that Bruschi even got back to football playing health after suffering a stroke is pretty impressive. But, if we're taking his health as a given, why is it such a big deal that he's still a good player?)

The Comeback Award needs to adhere to some sort of standard criteria from year to year, something more concrete than simply a player who has met some definition of the word comeback. Otherwise, the debate becomes more about what the award should mean each year, rather than about which player deserves it most. What's to stop sportswriters next year from handing it out to a wide receiver who runs really good curl routes?

I argue that the Comeback Player of the Year should always be a guy who played like crap the previous year, and all of a sudden starts doing awesome. And who met this criteria in 2005 better than Redskins quarterback Mark Brunell? No other player who sucked in 2004 rocked as much as Brunell in 2005, and no other good player in 2005 blew as hard as Brunell in 2004.

The Best Away Messages of 2005

For the past year, I've been keeping track of the best away messages I saw on my buddy list, and over the course of the next few days, I'll be counting down the top ten. Granted when I say "best" away messages, I really mean "funniest," but is there really any other way to judge an away message? I mean, does anyone ever say, "That was a really dramatic away message!" or "Man, that away message sure did a bang-up job of telling me what my friend is doing right now!"

Drumroll please...

10. Kramer1981: 2/22/2222 is a friday, not a TUESday. i'm really disappointed by that for some reason. (2/22/05)

9. TravisOakes42: Please do not eat this away message. (7/5/05)

8. BoxFactory: I thought that I lost my bible, but it turned out to just be underneath a pile of trash in my room... I'm happy to find it, but this strikes me as a sad story. (2/23/05)

7. TravisOakes42: Finally did my taxes. I'm glad I'll never have to go through that ordeal again. (4/3/05)

6. TravisOakes42: My hair has grown too long. Perhaps one day mankind will devise a method to remedy this predicament. (10/24/05)

5. Mr Ali Ahmad: If Chris Kiser's name implies a certain level of regality, truly, his 24 taping skills confirm it. (3/14/05)

4. TravisOakes42: If you're on my Christmas list this year, I need some help: Do you prefer gifts or presents? (12/1/05)

3. MatchesMaloneBW: Some people dream about vacations and all the things that would make them happy... I evidently dream about Chris Kiser on Jeopardy and giving the wrong question to the Final Jeopardy answer: "He is Batman's secret identity." (10/12/05)

2. Mr Ali Ahmad: This trip to the library is like the part of Independence Day when they've taken down the alien ship but the Fresh Prince and the Fly haven't blown up the Alien mothership. (5/11/05)

1. Kramer1981: Cabdriver: Ok so stupid question, but I always wonder - the guys, they always talk about 'oh that girl was so hot' or the girls always say 'oh that guy was so hot', what do they mean by that? How do they tell?
Me: Ummm, it means 'attractive'.
Cabdriver: "Oh, so they tell by the face and such, no?"
Me: Um, yeah, I think that's usually how it goes (10/9/05)

Good & Bad (Nov. 13-20)

This is a new effort to establish some sort of regular update of the blog. So, if all goes as planned, I'll be posting a short once-a-week recap of the highlights and lowlights from the preceding week. I'll still make an effort to write the longer, more focused articles, but those come and go with my inspiration, which has obviously been pretty low the past month.

(Note, posted 1/4/06: Yeah, I did a pretty crappy job keeping up with this.)

Good:
Hot Hot Heat at Starr Hill -
I recently got into this band by picking up their cool new album, "Elevator," as a premium item for my contribution to WNRN's fall fund drive and much to my surprise soon discovered that they were playing an upcoming show in Charlottesville. Though I dismissed my original idea to attend incognito in some sort of punk rock persona, I still had a great time. The band could have played longer, but I wasn't complaining when I managed to get home before 1:00am on a worknight.

Dave Leitao wins debut -
The Pete Gillen years are over, and the new UVA basketball coach wants fans to know it. While Pete was oft criticized for being soft on his players, Leitao wasted no time in showing that he will verbally chew out his players on the sidelines for playing soft defense or not rebounding. Not even the refs are safe, as DL's protest over the non-call for JR Reynolds' on-court assualt earned him his first career UVA technical. I'm sure this team will earn its fair share of weeks in the "bad" section of this blog, but freshman Mamadi Diane's team-leading 17 points gives some hope for the future.

Bad:
Hokies Eat Wahoos for Breakfast -
52-14 feels more like 106-4 when it comes in Scott Stadium at the hands of those poop-eating retards from Virginia Tech. This, the worst football game I've ever attended, gives UVA a 1-6 record against Tech since 1999, an 0-3 record against the Mexico brothers, and completes the season sweep of losses against our 3 biggest rivals, Maryland, UNC, and VT.

Arrested Development Cancelled by FOX -
The funniest show since Seinfeld has its order of episodes for the season trimmed down to 13, which shall mark its final, unlucky number. So far, no other networks seem likely to rescue the show from the jaws of defeat, although if HBO picks it up I'm switching to premium cable.

Firefly to Serenity: An Epic

Recently, thanks to the magic of DVD, I have been granted the opportunity to criticize FOX for hanging Joss Whedon's show Firefly out to dry in 2003. Under the obvious influence of LSD or some other hallucinogen, the network decided to air episodes of the witty and dramatic series out of order (for some reason, the pilot was the final one shown). Combined with its Friday night death slot, it comes as no surprise that FOX yanked the show after only 11 low-rated episodes.

Fortunately, in world where Joe Gibbs can return from retirement to coach the Redskins and Hollywood can finally come up with a decent Batman film, Firefly fans were not left hopeless. Miraculously, Whedon was able to get a green light for making a Firefly movie that could draw his series to a close. That movie, entitled Serenity, was released in theaters last Friday as a beacon of light to all victims of the TV axe.

Partially to blame for its cancellation, I ignored the positive reviews that came out about Firefly and have only been drawn to the series since I found out about the movie. I suppose that this makes me a poser among Firefly fans, but I'll take that distinction in exchange for being able to add the series to my own personal pop culture hall of fame. I'm instantly attracted to anything with a cult following, especially when it comes in the form of a short-lived television show, whose loose ends are tied up in a movie released solely due to fan demand. Taking an interest in Serenity, I was determined not to see it as some schmo off the street, but in the way that the fans who watched the show originally would. In order to do this, I dedicated myself to watching the series over the past few weeks (thanks to Linden for the birthday gift DVDs)...as well as to reading the 3 part Serenity comic book that bridges the gap.

With Firefly's sharp writing and great characterization, it is no shocker that Serenity is a wonderful movie. What impressed me most about it, however, is its success in following through on its promise to provide a satisfactory conclusion to a story which Joss Whedon had originally planned to develop over the course of years. Without feeling rushed or forced, Serenity compacts what would have been several seasons of TV into a spectacular two-hour movie. And while it certainly can stand on its own as a quality science fiction film, Serenity works best as a top notch series finale, a genuine rarity in television today.

A Debate Close to my Heart

This week's Entertainment Weekly features a Point/Counterpoint that voices in on one of the greatest crimes of pop culture today--plot spoilers. The obviously mentally challenged Jeff Jensen argues that plot leaks somehow enhance the experience of viewing a movie or show. Offering a much more levelheaded opinion, Dan Snierson criticizes spoilers for being the vampire on entertainment that they truly are. Read the article here.

Down the Hatch

On the more optimistic TV front (see the post below for the pessimistic), Lost continued to contend for superiority in ratings and quality as it opened it's second season Wednesday night. Miraculously, network TV has created a show with depth and meaning that you have to pay close attention to in order to fully get...and people watch it!

The season premiere didn't skip a beat in carrying on the story from the excellent first season. I was especially impressed with the way in which it answered last season's cliffhanger question ("What's inside the hatch?") right off the bat, but toyed with you for several minutes before revealing to you exactly what it was you were seeing. As has become standard, the show did a superb job in demonstrating that it was moving towards solving its mysteries, while leaving plenty of mystery left at the end. The only real downside to the episode was its relatively uninteresting flashback sequence, which once again focused on Jack. Typically, I haven't found the Jack flashbacks to be as compelling as those belonging to some of the other characters, mainly because I feel we already know a fair deal about his past. That being said, Derek and Travis can attest to you that the episode did a fine job in holding my interest. (Kize Lost Season Premiere Grade: B+)

I won't plead with you to watch Lost like I did Arrested Development. It already does fine in the ratings, and you're better off taking your time with the season one DVDs before diving into the current episodes. Go find yourself someone cool who has the DVDs with a name like, oh...let's say The Kize...and agree to watch the first season with him over the course of several weeks.

Arrested Development has been wrongfully imprisoned!

To my disappointment, the season premiere of Arrested Development was met with the same low ratings that plagued its first two seasons, and nearly drove the show to cancellation. This serves as a strong argument against my theory that my summer might have served as a microcosm for the universe of Arrested Development viewers. It seemed to me that I was surrounded by people who had been drawn to the show by word of mouth, the season one DVDs, and Fox's excellent summer rerun strategy. My parents, my uncle, and several friends of mine had become hooked to the chronicles of the Bluth family, and I was ready to see the show turn into the heir to Seinfeld.

Unfortunately, it appears as if Arrested may be fated to never overcome its Arizona Cardinal-like struggles. My summer test subjects may have been a tainted sample, a rare subset of the population at large who actually appreciate well-crafted, intelligent television. America as a whole still looks to be an army of That 70's Show style drones, unable to get any of the jokes in Arrested Development because they aren't followed up by a laugh track. My only hope is that the first week's ratings were affected by the large draw of ABC's Monday Night Football doubleheader, and that the millions of Americans who tuned into the game will switch over to Arrested next week.

If not, I might have to say goodbye to these.

Redskins 14, Cowboys 13

In 1999 there was the blown 21-point 4th quarter lead. In 2001 we suffered through the Stephen Davis fumble. Last year the heartbreak came in the form of a long bomb in the closing minutes.

But last night, we got to do it to them.

With less than 4 minutes remaining in the game, the most noble and virtuous team in all of sports, the Washington Redskins, trailed the epitome of putridity and unholiness, the Dallas Cowboys, by a score of 13 to 0. With the Redskin offense sputtering all night, my loyalty to see things through to the bitter end was the only thing keeping me half awake on the couch. On fourth down, Mark Brunell finally found Santana Moss in the end zone, at which point I was confident the Skins were giving me just enough renewed hope that I would have something left to squash when time expired.

That hope grew larger when the defense did what it has been doing largely without reward for the past 13 months and stonewalled the ensuing Cowboy drive. Rocking back in forth in my seat, I watched as Brunell and Moss hooked up again, this time for an explosive 70 yarder that gave Washington the go-ahead score. This couldn't be happening! The next 15 minutes were a rush of exuberation as intense as a man could exhibit without waking his roommate upstairs. The defense held again. Final score: Washington 14, Dallas 13. The fans in Texas Stadium (who at halftime had observed a ceremony honoring the Trio of Evil, Troy Aikman, Emmett Smith, and Michael Irvin) were left to drown in their own tears as Joe Gibbs and team rushed onto the field in a celebration unlike any seen by the Redskins in the last 10 years.

Perhaps the Redskin offense will continue to struggle in the weeks to come, and maybe the Redskins won't win another significant game all season. But if that happens, none of it will be able to undo the joy of victory that those who hail the Redskins were able to feel last night.

Kize's 2005 NFL Predictions

For the past few years, I've used my AIM profile to post predictions of the coming year's NFL playoff teams. With the extra space afforded by the blog, I'm pleased to announce the first full Kize's NFL Predictions, where I'll pick each division top to bottom. Sports Illustrated may have enough clout to call theirs an "NFL Preview," but I'll entertain no such illustions here. These are "predictions," which contain no guarantee to preview any part of reality. Comments are welcome, although if you're writing to disagree with one of my picks, then you're required to post your own pick in response.

NFC East

1. Philadelphia Eagles
   Despite the off-season tumult, Terrell Owens will have plenty of opportunities for creative touchdown celebrations this year. They've declined enough to keep them out of a second consecutive Super Bowl, but their hold on the division remains strong.
2. Dallas Cowboys (Playoff wild card)
   I've really been on a roll this year picking teams I'd rather drink pee than watch win (see VT in my ACC predictions). The bastards' defense got a major upgrade in the offseason.
3. New York Giants
   Everyone seems to be sure that Eli Manning will either have a breakout year or be a Gigantic bust. Is it wrong to think that he'll take a gradual step towards becoming a better quarterback? It won't hurt that New York gets 9 home games this year. (grrr...Yeah, that move was real fair for the rest of the teams in the NFC East.)
   
4. Washington Redskins
   Thanks to Mark Brunell's disappointing drain on salary cap space, the Skins had to part ways with Fred Smoot and Antonio Pierce as well as use first round draft picks on positions (QB and CB) they thought they had in place just a year ago. There will be many fits of rage from The Kize this year.

NFC North

1. Minnesota Vikings
   In a division where teams seem to have either an offense (GB) or a defense (Chicago), the Vikings finally have both. Fred Smoot will lead the defense to a Super Bowl birth.
2. Green Bay Packers
   Fans keep talking about Brett Favre's inevitable decline, but I haven't seen it on the field yet. He should have gone to the Pro Bowl last year in place of Michael Vick. Where this team appears to have fallen is in its already pathetic pass defense.
3. Detroit Lions
   The Lions have potentially the best receiving trio in the league. They also have Joey "Interception Machine" Harrington.
4. Chicago Bears
   I had them fourth even before Rex Grossman got hurt. I'm very sold on the theory that you can't operate a true passing threat in the Windy City.

NFC South

1. Carolina Panthers
   Injuries postponed this division title last year, yet they still nearly made the playoffs in a truly amazing second-half-of-season comeback last year. Plus, Rod Gardner just left the Redskins, so you know he'll be good (see Trent Green, Jeremiah Trotter, Brad Johnson, etc.).
2. Atlanta Falcons (Playoff wild card)
   They've got a running game and a high quality defense, two of the three necessary components that Carolina has in place. The good teams can overcome Vick's mobility.
3. New Orleans Saints
   For once, they finished a season strong. The South will be a competitive division, so they could finish at .500 and still end up third. If nothing else, they'll serve as the control group for an experiment testing home field advantage.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
   I'm not saying they'll be bad, but it's hard to describe their season as anything but a rebuilding year. Their defense is still good, if not feared like it once was.

NFC West

1. Arizona Cardinals
   Once, this team couldn't win unless they were involved in a game somehow related to crushing the Redskins' playoff chances. Now, behind coach Denny Green, they've got the foundations for an explosive offense and an improving defense in the NFL's weakest division.
2. Seattle Seahawks
   It's a proven fact that no one can predict how the Seahawks will do. Ever. They'd be the clear-cut best team in the division if they hadn't choked three times against the Rams last year.
3. St. Louis Rams
   The Rams have a ton of great fantasy picks on offense. It's a good thing those players don't lose points for their team's questionable coaching decisions.
4. San Francisco 49ers
   They're the only team whose fans I would take with me to a Redskins game.

AFC East

1. New England Patriots
   They've never been fazed by injury or free agency, have they? For the past four years the Pats have been a testament to great coaching, and now both coordinators are gone. Might they actually have to play a playoff game in Indy?
2. Buffalo Bills (Playoff wild card)
   The Bills were perhaps the only team more impressive than the Panthers in last year's final stretch. I love their touchdown-scoring defense and special teams, and I think second-year wideout Lee Evans is a star in the making.
3. New York Jets
   It's a tough call between them and the Bills, but they spiral out of control whenever Chad Pennington hits his yearly injury. Wait, what am I saying? The rules of fate dictate that Laveranues Coles will catch 15 TDs in his first year after leaving Washington.
4. Miami Dolphins
   The Patriots aren't going to let them get away with an upset this year.

AFC North

1. Pittsburgh Steelers
   The Steelers are the only team in the NFL who can win 4 less games than it did the previous year and still finish in first. And that's what they'll do.
2. Baltimore Ravens
   This has been my hardest pick to make out of them all, especially since I've already given up my wild cards to the AFC East and West. Kyle Boller should consider a second career as The Riddler, with all those question marks surrounding him.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
   So, they had their first surprising 8-8 season thanks to new coach Marvin Lewis, and they had their second one thanks to the emergence of Carson Palmer as QB. Is 9-7 or better on the horizon with this offense?
4. Cleveland Browns
   Last year, they fired the only coach in the NFL whose name I couldn't rattle off the top of my head.

AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts
   Corey Simon puts in place the final piece of the puzzle needed to vault them over the Patriots. Following their once mythical home playoff game against the Patriots, they take home a Vince Lombardi trophy at last.
2. Jacksonville Jaguars
   Everyone else is picking them to be good, so I will too. I was really disappointed that their offense floundered under Bill Musgrave, who was a brilliant coordinator when he was here at UVA.
3. Houston Texans
   I'll say they're a toss-up for second with Jacksonville. David Carr had a horrible preseason, so that's why they've been bumped down a notch.
4. Tennessee Titans
   And it looks like there won't be any witty comments from me about the AFC South in this year's predictions.

AFC West

1. San Diego Chargers
   Ever since his year with the Redskins, I've considered Marty Schottenheimer to be one of the best coaches in the league. Do yourself a favor, and download the Chargers' fight song here. You will believe!
2. Kansas City Chiefs (Playoff wild card)
   Gunther Cunningham was the right coordinator to bring respectability to this defense, but last year he didn't have the players. He might now.
3. Denver Broncos
   They've been barely making the playoffs and losing in the first round for years now. It seems to me that their plug-in-a-running-back strategy is wearing thin, as it didn't produce a superstar last year.
4. Oakland Raiders
   Let's see here. A Norv Turner coached team with a much-hyped offense and questionable defense? Does this sound familiar to anyone?

SuperBowl: Colts over Vikings in the highest scoring SuperBowl ever!

Watch Prison Break

Over the summer, previews for Fox's new fall drama, Prison Break, left most everyone I know asking, "How are they going to stretch a prison break story into an entire series?" While the premiere Monday night didn't quite answer that question, it did convince me that the show would be exciting and worth watching for as long as the tale unfolds. Without giving away much of the plot, I'll say that I can't wait to see Michael Scofield's intricate plan to free his brother from death row unfold bit by bit. If you are a fan of 24 and happened to miss Prison Break's first episode on Monday, I encourage you to check out the encore presentation Thursday at 8pm.

Batman is cool, but his comics kinda suck!

At a time where the movie version of Batman is enjoying its greatest critical success ever, his comic book counterpart is suffering through its lowest point of quality since before Frank Miller rebooted the franchise in 1986. Starting with the far overrated Hush storyline in 2002 (basically a comic book version of a Jerry Bruckheimer movie--a cash cow with no plot), Batman comics have favored cheap gimmicks over strong writing. While this has certainly been annoying, it has only recently escalated to a level that threatens to put an irreversable stain on the series.

In the past, the arrival of a good writer could do wonders to make you forget the bad storylines of the past. This made it possible to tolerate the predictable answers to the secret identity of Hush, the aimless storytelling of Broken City, and the inconsistent characterization littered throughout Tim Drake's temporary replacement as Robin by his girlfriend. The return of former Robin Jason Todd (one of comics' few reliably dead characters) as a villian was troublesome, but it could at least be undone with a run of the mill "oh, he's just a clone" explanation. Last week, however, writer Bill Willingham and his editorial staff managed to draw their graffiti over the world of Batman with a permanent marker.

The story "War Crimes" set out to explain who really killed Stephanie Brown, the aforementioned replacement Robin thought to have died in Gotham City's recent gang war. Never mind that there was no real mystery behind Stephanie's death, as it was pretty much shown in full on the printed page. The story behind the story had to be told! You see, it turns out that Miss Brown really was killed when Leslie Thompkins, the doctor who helped raise Bruce Wayne after the murder of his parents, secretly refused to give her medical treatment for her injuries. It seems that ol' Leslie, whose strong pacifism caused her to frequently oppose Batman's violent methods, decided to make an example of Stephanie, killing her to discourage others from following in Bruce's line of work. Nothing like a murder to champion the cause of nonviolence.

Who cares if this illogical turn of events brazenly defies years of characterization? We're selling comics, people! The future of a beloved character is nothing compared to the value of a moment of cheap suspense. It should only be a matter of time before we find out that, as Linden suggests, the Joker is the product of a torrid affair between Alfred and Mrs. Wayne. That is, unless solid writing once again returns to the main Batman books, returning them to the splendor that now exists on screen in Batman Begins.

"Oh, she's just a clone" stories wanted.

2005 ACC Football Predictions

Here are my picks for this year's ACC football standings:

Atlantic Division
The race in the Atlantic should be an exciting one, as I could see any of the top 3 picks here going to the Championship game. The bottom teams here stand a better shot at knocking off one of the top ones than they do in the Coastal.

1. NC State
   I'm going out on a limb with this one, as BC and Florida State appear to be the popular picks. Still, I think it's undoubtable that the Wolfpack will be a contender. They return the core of a spectacular defense from last season, and over the past couple seasons they've been quite a formidable road team. They'll upset Tech in the season opener and take one of two out of their consecutive trips to Boston and Tallahassee.
2. Boston College
   Being the fabled final piece to the ACC's 12 team puzzle, the Eagles are the team I know least about. While I believe they might be as good as some people say, I think the ACC will provide them with more rigorous competition than they're used to in the Big East. Of course, that's what everyone said about Virginia Tech last year...
3. Florida State
   It brings me great pleasure to rank the Criminoles this low, but I think it's a legitimate spot for them. Leon Washington will be a force at running back and the defense will be strong, but their lack of a quarterback will make FSU one-dimensional.
4. Clemson
   It's an odd-numbered year, so Clemson might stand a chance at being good. Charlie Whitehurst would do well to try to duplicate his sophomore season and ignore the one he had last year, which earned him the timeless brand of "overrated."
5. Wake Forest
   Last year, Wake was within a few plays of beating some really great teams, yet ended up with a losing record. Their talent isn't good enough for talk of a title, but the team that finishes second in this division may be the one that loses to them. I'm glad they aren't on the Hoos' schedule.
6. Maryland
   Yes, I hate them. Yes, they'll also be worse than last year, losing more than they'll gain on defense and having no forseeable breakout stars to undo the effects of last year's fat and slow Ralph Friedgen offense.
   

Coastal Division
This division seems to be a fair bit more predictable than its counterpart. I pretty much agree with the official preseason media poll.

1. Virginia Tech
   Yes, I hate them. Yes, it's also impossible to deny that the team that won the conference last year returns the bulk of its starters and is just about every publication's pick. If Marcus Vick can curb his perverse desire for 15-year-old tail long enough to actually concentrate on football, they might not even miss 2004 Player of the Year Bryan Randall. Bear in mind, though, I'm hanging this pick on the strength of Vick's supporting cast, not the virtues of the dimwitted heir to the throne himself.
   
2. Miami
   The Canes are no doubt a team on the decline, and I don't have a clue who their quarterback is. Nevertheless, they're still loaded with four-star recruits, and a down year for Miami still equates to a banner year for most.
3. Virginia
   As much as I hope otherwise, I can't see how a team who had 7 players drafted by the NFL in the off-season gets better than 8-4 and rises to challenge the current powers of the ACC.
   
4. Georgia Tech
   They'll run neck and neck with Virginia until their meeting in Charlottesville on November 12, where they haven't won since 1990. If any team in the division rises as a sleeper, however, it'll be this one. They have a load of potential on offense with Reggie Ball at QB, Calvin Johnson at WR, and PJ Daniels at RB.
5. North Carolina
   The Heels were impressive in the second half of last season, but in all likelihood they'll be back to their old tricks this year. They haven't had a defense in years, and last year's playmaker on offense, Darian Durant, is gone.
6. Duke
   VMI better be scared over this matchup on Sept. 17. Everyone else can breath easy.

ACC Championship
Virginia Tech will avenge their season opening loss to defeat NC State and move on to the BCS. And then it's on to another offseason of scandal! Go Chokies!!!

2005-06 UVA Basketball Schedule Released

As football season looms upon us, basketball is the last thing on most sports fans' minds. However, the University of Virginia's basketball schedule was released today, and it bears noting that an extremely difficult year lies ahead. Road games against Arizona and Gonzaga might as well be chalked up as losses already, and a trip to the oft-dangerous Western Kentucky (who took the Cavs to double OT last year in Charlottesville) could also catch the team off guard. Perhaps the schedule's only saving grace is in its regular season finale. This is when the University hosts Maryland in the final game ever to be played at University Hall, returning the despicable Terps the favor they extended to us when they closed the doors to Cole Field House on our heads in 2002.

Mr. and Mrs. Linden Kiser

Congrats to Linden and Aimee Kiser, who got married on Saturday, July 30. May God bless them with many wonderful years together!

Kize These Two People Grade: A+