Better Than Eating Poop, I Guess

Last week, I pretty much took every opportunity available to complain about how much I was dreading having to go on my company's annual retreat. So, I'd like to thank everyone who listened to my constant whining, as well as to say that the retreat was not as bad as I thought it would be. However, this is only due to the fact that I expected it to be the worst 42-hour period of my entire life. In the same way, you could say that Spy Kids 3D doesn't look as bad as Pokemon: The Movie, System of a Down isn't as horrible an excuse for a band as Nickelback, or that this week's episode of That 70's Show wasn't as unfunny as last week's.

So, what was I up to at retreat while people who work for normal companies were watching basketball?

Friday night after dinner was comprised of breaking into groups and coming up with competing skits about what we would do if we were CEO of the company. Our group won the contest because it supposedly had the best mixture of serious suggestions and humorous presentation, which basically means that it was neither legitimately productive nor truly funny.

Saturday morning, we had the pleasure of listening to a 3 hour presentation by a consultant/motivational speaker, the kind of guy who comes across as being just as genuine as any Clinton-era politician. The main thrust of his speech was to encourage us to "think outside the box" and come up with creative new answers to the questions we face every day. Never mind that, today, the phrase "think outside the box" itself is inside "the box." As a follow-up to the speaker, we discussed in groups the things that our company should start doing, stop doing, do more of, and do less of. It was nice to see office politics taking firm control of this exercise, as most people in my group wouldn't make meaningful suggestions because they were scared of making waves.

From this point on, the retreat went uphill a bit. The Saturday afternoon discussion of the priorities in making additions and changes to our company's main software product was tedious, but at least relevant and important for me to take part in. Of course, none of my interest manifested itself physically, as my tiredness began to take its toll. Numerous people asked me if I were feeling ok, and my boss said I looked like Pete Gillen's depressed son. Saturday evening was free time, and we were done by 11am on Sunday, so there wasn't much time for things to suck then.

In retrospect, I'd still say that the retreat has an overall negative impact on my company, as it largely serves to demoralize its employees in the week prior and wear them out for the one upcoming. However, I will admit that it serves its purpose in providing some social interaction between coworkers, as well as a chance to get everyone together to discuss some important company issues. Of course, all of these things could take place in late May, far removed from the college sports season and closer to some built-in time off for holidays.

You know, I hope no one at work finds out I have a blog.